


i sang a song to the moon (i miss you)

by i_was_human



Category: ONEUS (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, Past Character Death, Zombie Apocalypse, everyone is sad, or dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:35:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24923197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human
Summary: (dongju privately doubts things can go back to the way they were. that things- that things can ever get better than this- sitting in an empty warehouse around a fire, wishing and hoping and dreaming.)
Relationships: Kim Geonhak | Leedo & Son Dongju | Xion, Kim Youngjo | Ravn & Son Dongju | Xion, Lee Seoho & Son Dongju | Xion, Son Dongju | Xion & Son Dongmyeong, Son Dongju | Xion & Yeo Hwanwoong
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	i sang a song to the moon (i miss you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ellie_cat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellie_cat/gifts).
  * Inspired by [the end of the world (a series of polaroids and bodies)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20458400) by [i_was_human](https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human). 



> for ellie_cat - i know it's almost a year late, but i thought you'd want to see, even if it isn't as happy as i'd hoped

"Do you ever think about them?"

It's a question passed over the fire - Keonhee's eyes sharp in the dim light, pistol strapped to his waist and hair falling out of its loose ponytail - and Dongju swallows, gaze falling to his hands.

"...do you need to ask?"

It's not even _them_ in the sense of _YoungjoSeoho_ as much as it is _Dongmyeong_ , his twin, his _brother_ -

(the memory of those eyes, mouth opened in a scream, and he'd screamed right back, slammed his fists into geonhak's back as the elder took off at a dead sprint, and _they are dead-_ )

Keonhee gazes into the flames, and for a moment, Dongju can see it - the broken, scared man under the smiles - before the light flickers away, and Keonhee falls back into shadow.

"I'll go switch with Geonhak-hyung," he murmurs, and Dongju watches as their sniper stands, lithe frame tense in the way everyone always seems to be.

Hwanwoong's lying on the ground near the fire, curled into a small ball. The flames dance on his face - a flickering light show - and for a moment, Dongju misses the stage something fierce.

(he misses youngjo and seoho and _dongmyeong_ -)

"You're thinking," Geonhak notes, and Dongju blinks, turning to see the eldest ( _god_ , he _hates_ assigning that moniker to geonhak) sitting by his side. 

Dongju dips his head, and Geonhak gazes into the flames, dark bags prominent on too-pale skin. He doesn't say a word - and that's one thing Dongju both appreciates and dreads - that the apocalypse somehow managed to make Geonhak their most reticent member - but then again, Geonhak spends a lot of time trying to be quiet, these days.

He doesn't need to look to tell Geonhak's exhausted - he's never _not_ these days - but it's always a toss-up as to how _haunted_ he'll feel at any time.

(survivor's guilt is a bitch. dongju knows it well, and he welcomes it.

 _whycouldn'tithavebeenhim-_ )

A head comes to rest on his shoulder, and Dongju sighs, gazing down at Geonhak's slack expression.

Asleep again, then.

"Beans..." Hwanwoong mumbles, rolling over to blink panda eyes at Dongju. "Is it beans again?"

Dongju shakes his head, and Hwanwoong sighs, spreading his arms to look like a starfish. "We're all gonna die of _scurvy_."

"Can you die of scurvy?" Keonhee asks, and Dongju jumps, but manages to avoid making a sound. Geonhak's dead to the world, to the point where not even Dongju's jolt can startle him out of sleep, and his head falls back on the youngest's shoulder, lips slightly parted and a bit of drool already trickling out of his mouth.

Dongju lets him.

(geonhak never really sleeps enough)

"Maybe," Hwanwoong sighs, rolling over to prop his head up with one hand. "Ah, should I research scurvy?"

"That could be fun," Keonhee muses. "Maybe the next time we find a town with a library?"

"We can do storytime again!" Hwanwoong enthuses, before ducking his head. "Sorry, too loud."

Keonhee sighs, but grins regardless. "We can probably be a little loud tonight."

"Keonhee-hyung," Dongju states, and two heads swivel towards him, "you can't choose manga again."

"Wha- _why not_?"

"Some of us like _actual books_."

" _M_ _anga are actual books_!"

"He just wants to read fairy tales," Hwanwoong teases, and Dongju ducks his head, cheeks burning.

"Shut up."

"Wah, Dongju-yah, that's so cute~"

"Shut _up_."

"...I miss running water."

It's Hwanwoong that says it, and the bickering pair falls silent. 

"...I do to, Woongie-yah," Keonhee murmurs, and Dongju dips his head in silent agreement.

"I miss- I miss being able to be as loud as we want," Hwanwoong continues, gazing into the flames. "I miss being able to sleep for eight or ten hours. I miss- I miss being on stage. I miss hot showers. I miss our fans. I miss-"

He cuts himself off, but all three of them know what he was going to say.

_"I miss Youngjo-hyung and Seoho-hyung."_

Everything always comes back to that, then.

The dead.

"I miss Yunho-yah," Keonhee blurts, and Hwanwoong and Dongju both turn to stare at him. "I miss Yunho-yah, and Yeonjun-ah, and I- I just hope they're okay. I just-"

He exhales, soft and shaky, and his head falls into his hands. "I miss how things were."

Dongju looks at them, then - at Keonhee, always smiling, always laughing, now peeling pieces of his chipped mask off a face that's forgotten what happiness really feels like, at Hwanwoong, locked in _missing_ , the best of all of them, and the only one who could pull himself back together were they to meet the same fate of their elders, at Geonhak, wracked with guilt and always sleepless, always quiet, ghosts dancing in his eyes, and then down at his hands.

They all have blood on their hands, don't they?

(dongju privately doubts things can go back to the way they were. that things- that things can ever get better than this- sitting in an empty warehouse around a fire, wishing and hoping and dreaming.)

A soft snore floats through the air, and Dongju's head snaps up, pleading gaze meeting Keonhee's. There were a few undead on the perimeter earlier - not that they're easily locatable, as smeared in blood and grime as they are - but when the main trigger is _noise_ , even this small bit is something they can't risk.

Keonhee's gaze flits back to the flame, and Dongju sighs, resigning himself to his fate. He places his hand on Geonhak's shoulder and shakes him, once-twice-thrice, before the snoring cuts off and dark panda eyes slit open.

"Everyone okay?"

Not "what's going on".

They're _long_ past that. 

(after all, geonhak knows the song and dance by now - knows _exactly_ why dongju's shaking him awake.

by the exhausted apology in his eyes, dongju knows he regrets it, too.)

"Yeah," Dongju murmurs, and Geonhak reaches up to scrub his eyes, greasy hair eclipsing his face as he leans forwards.

"What're we talking about?"

"Oh, the usual," Hwanwoong shrugs. "How depressed we all are. The end of the world. Cookies."

"...I miss cookies."

Geonhak's still in that blissful state of exhausted semi-confusion, and Dongju envies him for it. 

"I really miss shampoo," the eldest continues, raking a hand through his messy hair. "Really."

" _See_?" Hwanwoong squawks, gesticulating wildly in Geonhak's general direction. "It's not just me!"

"But- but cake! Cookies! Running water! Other people!"

" _Shampoo_!"

"Who's on watch?" Geonhak asks, and Keonhee pales, scooping up his pistols from the floor.

"Oops."

"Yah!" Hwanwoong calls, though there's no real bite to it. "What if we all got eaten because you weren't on watch, huh?"

"That's not gonna happen," Keonhee huffs, and Hwanwoong rolls his eyes.

"Do you know that?"

"...no."

"Go watch, then."

Geonhak's head droops back onto Dongju's shoulder, and the youngest sighs, resigning himself to another sleepless night. 

God, they're disasters.

(though- at least they're alive, so that should count for something.

right?)

**Author's Note:**

> may continue this, if i feel like it ^U^
> 
> also i AM, in fact, trash enough to say this is inspired by my own fic.
> 
> i have too many series okay
> 
> (also sorry for any oocness i'm still working on it)


End file.
